... mostly I'm a realist except as far as inevitability is concerned because I want change to be realer
than fate or humanity (TA would call this "being a toad" or "not seeing the scorpion for what it is"
but he's a cynic so who knows how valid that is) and there are never any patterns -
nothing is the same but nothing is different (this allows for no prescription except unless
you are among the moral then... pills it is!) so maybe it's romantic this need for amorphization
or evolution and I'm no realist at all just a stoic untrusting romantic construction or! a fallen optimist like satan oh god am I satan? (this will make my mother uncomfortable to read) I walked past a little orange haired child being carried in the rain by her daddy in Hell's Kitchen and I said "oh what an angel" and the poet said "won't be that way for long" then I didn't say "we're all just like that"
because I did not want confirmation so I chose silence again (this is my favorite tactic
for avoiding incrimination also for making someone squirm) (this allows there to be less of me
inside but outside "my aura is taking over the room" -some guy from Brooklyn) and thought about the books waiting for me and how the coat on my back failing to keep out the rain (regardless of its being a RAIN jacket) was given to me by someone I love("d") ...