The Sea Inside

Quotes from The Sea Inside that I can't get out of my head:

"When you can't escape, and you constantly rely on other people, you learn to cry by smiling."

-You don't like to look back do you?
--No. I prefer to look to my future.
-And what's in your future?
--Death. Same for you."

-There is no freedom in a life that ends itself.
--There is no freedom in a life that ends freedom.

"You either love or you don't. Love can't be reasoned out."

I wish anything could be reasoned out. Everything, including the Seattle ground, is muddy. There is something like a hoard of insects clawing at my head. They are multiplying and slowing me down. I am lethargic, angry and slow slow slow. It gets dark at five o'clock now and that makes me feel cheated out of lightness. If I could find a way to actually relax, to actually calm down, that would be great. Would green juice help? Probably. Would sex help? Also likely. I've got a handful of kale left in the fridge and my hand. Deflating companions. But one must make due with what one has. What a phrase - exhausted and as overused as... my hand. You know you are in a bad way when your metaphors are shit. My boots are soggy. I need to be held. My pants stretched out in the rain and they are soaked up to the knee for dragging on the ground but I liked the squish-swish-whooshing sound the denim made on the pavement under my shoe and what has your life amounted to when you write on the bus even though your ink erratically splatters across the page. Unreadable.